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Bahamas Blog International
What kind of a liar are you?
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By Rhonda Mitchell:
A child’s view of the world at any age is one of the most insightful things to me. Where we see the bigger issues and mountains if you will, their simplistic views of the world can utterly level ours.
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Rhonda Mitchell is a media planner in Norwalk, CT. She has a BS in Corporate Communication. She grew up in Nevis for the first thirteen years of her life before moving to Norwalk. Feedback to: rbayjay@optonline.net |
One day my son and I were having a discussion on lying. He asked me what makes someone a liar. I paused. I had to think for a minute, and then I said people who lie. He then said, well, have you ever lied in your lifetime? I said yes, everyone has. Then he said that makes the whole world liars, because once you’ve done something you become a part of it. It doesn’t matter if we did it once or ten times.
His statement silenced me into deep thinking, sorting through all the other stuff I may have done once. We don’t necessarily live the lifestyle of whatever wrong we may have done once in our lifetime but, I think it gives credence to my son’s point. Think of people who have won awards and accolades once in their lifetime though they may not participate in the competitions, arts, etc anymore, they’re still winners -- looking through the eyes of a child.
Where would you fall on the “tree of lies” diagram? For me, I think denial and omission comes to mind quickly. I hate lies. Even more so, the word liar because it sounds so harsh. As a result, it’s where we inject the categorical standings as to soften the blow on how we depict ourselves. Mankind can rationalise anything we want to soothe the situation. But, in the authentic context of what the definition of lie is, I too, must succumb to my shortcomings. Who can completely and absolutely determine that they will never do it again? We have all lied about something or another, and for some of us it’s as natural as breathing.
I once heard a preacher talk about the many ways in which we human beings lie to ourselves and others. Though we would like to think that we do not, we do on various levels in our lives. Interestingly enough, this preacher went onto to list the ways in which we lie: “the white lie-er/ small lie-er”, “the big lie-er”, “the exaggerate-er”, “the deception-er”, “the denial-er”, “the fabricate-er”, and “the omission-er”. According to Webster’s online dictionary we can all find ourselves in at least one definition below:
A White Lie: An unimportant lie (especially one told to be tactful or polite)
A Big Lie: Deliberate gross distortion of the truth used especially as a propaganda tactic
Exaggeration: To enlarge beyond bounds or the truth
Deception: Something that deceives
Denial: Refusal to admit the truth or reality (as of a statement or charge); assertion that
an allegation is false; refusal to acknowledge a person or a thing
Fabrication: a product of fabrication; especially: lie or falsehood
Omission: to leave out or leave unmentioned
Should it matter which category we fall into? Or is it more important to admit that we do lie? Depending on how our magnifying glasses work we should probably find ourselves looking more inwardly rather than outwardly to others. I use to think that I didn’t lie about anything, especially, in my emotions and opinions. My mantra was, if you really don’t want an honest answer; don’t ask me anything, because I will give you an honest answer. At times, the answer is I don’t know.
I was raised not to lie or else my little behind would taste the pleasure of my grandmother’s belt called “Charlie”. Of course, we all did it as children. My grandmother had a bushel of us to cause enough mischief and misbehaviour, that no one person was ever willing to continually fess up to wrongdoings. Hence, the “liar tree” bore fruit, and the unsuspecting categories of where I would fall one day, awaited my arrival.
As I’ve grown over the years, I now understand the consequences of lying. When someone builds a reputation on lies it’s difficult for people to see him or her beyond that definition. Then it becomes even more complex to shift that view of what others have labeled the person. So, it’s in conscientiousness that we choose our categories in how we lie. The only downside to that theory is, there are no categories in God’s view. A lie is a lie.
In my experiences I have found women tend to lie in the categories of denial (relationships, keeping up with the Joneses/neighbours) and deception (beauty, relationships) the most. We go along with things, and do niceties, and suppress feelings that we want to express more readily just to keep the peace. On many occasions we live in the state of denial about our issues.
Through deception we can and will make things appear differently, than what it really is for the moment. To name a few simple examples: we have hair extensions, hair weaves; make up, push-up bras, girdles, butt- lift underwear and the list goes on some more. This is the lighter side of our deceptive practices. A lot of women will get defensive on the issue about the lengths we go through to enhance our beauty and appearances, and in sticking with the truth, the enhancement process is really deception.
In my other experiences I have found men lie in the categories of exaggeration (sports, jobs, money) fabrication (relationships) and omission (relationships) the most. Men will exaggerate in storytelling about sporting events/gym. How much they can bench press, run or throw a ball; how they can beat the guy who’s playing the sport they’re watching on TV, in the arena, or on the field and the rest. They will exaggerate their job functions, and how they can care for their women and somebody else’s. They will also fabricate and omit facts depending on the situation in a relationship.
We can sort lying by any category we choose -- gender, race, age, culture, and so forth; the bottom line is we lie to ourselves and or to each other. It’s always easier to look at other people and judge their degrees of lying, then compare theirs to our standards. This reminds me of the old saying –we use rose colored glasses to look at ourselves and magnifying glasses to look at others. Perhaps, even as I write this piece, other categories of lying may emerge and where and how I would fit in, may increase. Can human beings really live their most authentic lives without lying about anything? Can we truly survive in a world without lies of any sort? Ideally, we can all say yes. Realistically-what kind of a liar are you?
December 15, 2009
caribbeannetnews
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| December 15, 2009 | 8:58 AM |
Tags:
world, lying, liar, lie, lied, liars, denial, omission, exaggeration, deception, fabrication
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