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Dating Christians and The Will Of God
Related to country: Bahamas

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Dating, in love and Christian:
By KARAN MINNIS,Guardian Lifestyles Reporter -
Nassau, Bahamas:



Every day we hear of marriages disintegrating, because people did not take the time to get to know each other during their dating period. Rather than focusing on getting to know each other, most allowed physical attraction to steer the relationship's course. When the novelty wore off, their was nothing to sustain the relationship, and it was no more.

In life many people find it hard to maintain a steady relationship that reflects their personal values and their faith, and for practicing Christians who are dating it is twice as hard, as they have to get to know each other, and live by God's ordinance. However becoming successful in this quest may become a lot easier if you have someone to look up to.

The Nassau Guardian spoke to two Christian couples who are traversing the perils of dating, but under the guidance of God. Elethera Scavella, 21, a teacher, and her boyfriend of three-and-a half-years, Leroy Curry, 28, and Daniel Nixon Jr., 28, a technician, and O'Cara Francis, 22.

Both couples are Christians, and active in various ministries in their respective churches, however their experiences in dating have been completely different. Despite their differences, the couples say that "Christian dating" is no different from anything else, and that they to go through their ups and downs.

*Elethera Scavella, 21, and Leroy Curry, 28.

In July this couple will have been dating four years. They met in a church, at Faith Temple Ministries International, Madeira St., Palmdale, and have been together since. They are both members of their church's youth board and are active members in several other ministries.

*Q: Is dating for Christians different from any other kind of dating?

Leroy: "No, I don't think it's different. I think 'Christian dating' as you put it, is regular dating but it's just that your standards are different because you are a Christian. But you have people out there who see dating as just going out there looking for a partner to have sex with, and I don't really consider that dating. That's just hooking-up. But if you establish that you're speaking of dating, meaning that you want to get to know this person and to see if that's the person you could or want to spend your time with, and share your life with, then even in the world your standards and everything else comes into play. The only thing with 'Christian dating' is that your standards come from the word of God."

*Q: Are there difficulties?

Leroy: "There are certain things that God says you cannot do — like you cannot lie, you shouldn't steal, and that you shouldn't do certain things. And in life it's our nature to want to do certain sinful things. So of course there are challenges to walking in the discipline of Christ and it's the same thing in a relationship. In a Christian relationship it's just walking in those same standards, having those same temptations and having to overcome them, but you're doing it with another person."

*Q: Are there any struggles that you faced in particular, such as intimacy?

Leroy: "At this time no. In the past, yes. But when we stumbled, we found that to get back up from falling was hard because if you never tasted something then it's no problem for you. It doesn't really tempt you because you don't know anything about it. It's there but you know there's a time for it, and you will walk in it when it's time. But if you do something before its time then that's when it becomes challenging to stop doing that thing."

Elethera: "Yeah, I agree in that it was difficult, and to make it clear we're talking about how the physical attraction was difficult to resist. We had stumbles and we gave into temptation, [but] since then we made a decision before God and a commitment to him that we would be faithful to Him and to please Him. I can't explain it, but it's been a whole lot easier than the past to resist. So I guess we've gotten past that whole weak point of trying to get back up, and we're now up and just trying to move forward — to not only build our relationship with God but to developing a strong friendship."

*Q: Has being in a Christian relationship strengthened your relationship, and has it helped?

Leroy: "Definitely. Anything that God is involved in is being perfected. He moves that thing or relationship to its highest level because when you chose to walk with Him, God strengthens you as a man. So if you're in a relationship, and you chose to walk with God and say 'God I am going to follow your standards in this relationship,' that means He, God, is in it, and whatever God is in has to be strong."

Elethera: "I think that God is a whole lot more pleased because we're actually in a relationship and we have all of these things to face knowing that we have to deal with worldly stuff and physical emotions and we're actually taking a stand to be strong enough to say, "well, hey no." Because of that we still have a strong relationship with each other and we're still upholding our relationship with Him. We're also just growing and not just letting our relationship with each other keep us back in anyway."

*Q: Do you have any suggestions to people facing worldly struggles in their "Christian relationship"?

Leroy: "I would say that a lot of times our flesh tells us to do certain things and a lot of the times the world states that this is what is normal, but we are of a different kingdom. Even though we live on earth our kingdom is not of this world. Our king is God and we live by his standards. So I would say to not let the world determine who you are, or who you should be as a person and as a couple. But instead walk in the standards of God and when you do that he will strengthen your heart and your relationship."

Elethera: "Well said. I know for certain that I would recommend them not to go with the thinking that I used to go by — that if you find things to occupy yourself then you'll stay out of problems, or if you just try to do positive things you would have a healthier relationship, and you won't end up in temptation. My thoughts have changed, and now I would recommend that before you even think about someone else that you deal with yourself because you can't be a solid couple otherwise.

You can't be united as one or even thinking about marriage before you get yourself straight. So instead of wondering what you will do tonight, I would say that you need to focus on your own personal relationship with God, and everything else will just fall in line because you get so caught up in trying to build your relationship with God, that when you guys do something together to uplift God, everything else just falls in place. You'll find yourself not doing sinful things and instead concentrating on your relationship with God. Because now I find myself spending less time with [Leroy] now, than I used to and it isn't a problem to me. And, surprisingly I actually think I find enjoyment in it, because when we do see each other it's much better because we don't be craving the physical stuff and we just talk about what we missed and what's happening in our lives. So we have this great friendship which I think will carry over into marriage as well. So all-in-all, just focus on yourself and your relationship with God and everything else will fall in line not just in your relationship but also in your life."

Leroy: "She just said the most ultimate principle.That you have to be a complete person in God before you could be a couple in God. And I think that's important to remember."

*Q: Would it be different if one of you were not a Christian?

Elethera: "Yes, it would."

Leroy: "I know it would be different because I won't be dating her. The Bible says 'how can two walk together unless they agree.'"

*Q: What do you say to the Christian person, that's dating a non-Christian?

Elethera: "To each their own, because I have seen and I understand that there are situations where this happens. In a lot of cases it's the female whose is saved and the male who isn't. And I think that if the [un-saved] person is willing and they have a drive to change then you can date them, but I warn that you should never get to that point where you get too close. Because when you get too close, it will be harder to walk away when you see that they are not changing. Even kissing in this case maybe getting too close."

Leroy: "If you are a Christian there is no reason why you should get involved with somebody who is not because you are compromising your standards. But if you do find yourself in a situation like this, where you are already eternally committed to this person in marriage but you both were not saved from the beginning and one gets saved, then the only thing you can do then is pray for your partner and never compromise your standards for that person.

"For those who are not married and are saved, then like I said you shouldn't get in a relationship with an un-saved person. If you're in a relationship and then you get saved, there will come a time when you must stop any sinful things that you have been doing and don't compromise the standards of God for anymore no matter how much you love them."

*Q: What is the best thing about your relationship?

Elethera: "I feel that we have a greater advantage over those couples who aren't Christians. With us seeking God we get to find out what God has for our lives and even if we are a Christian couple that doesn't mean we're going to get married. But at least, if we are in tune with God we can hear from him and know that this isn't the person for us, and it avoids any disappointments because God knows if I stay with him what will happen and what will happen with someone else. So that's why when I would say that it doesn't matter if you and that person break up, because you know God has someone better for you. Not that I want us to break-up, but I think that, that's how we're at a greater advantage."

Leroy: "Rejoice, your steps are ordered in the Lord. And because my steps are ordered and I know [Elethera's] steps are ordered in God, I know that as long as we walk in His will, then we don't have anything to worry about or be considered about. We know that as long as we're doing the will of God, even if we don't end up together as she said that God has everything under control. As long as he has everything under control, we can be happy. So that's really the best thing."