TIGblogs TIG | TIGblogs GROUP TIGBLOGS LOGIN SIGNUP
Bahamas Blog International
Bahamas Blog International


Journeys Through The Valley Of Shadows And Death With Cancer
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic

When cancer strikes:
By Chakara Bennett, Guardian Summer Intern -
Nassau, Bahamas:




For Maxine Callender life is all about taking one hour — one minute — one second — one breath at a time. She herself is not battling an incurable disease, but she has seen an insidious one striking her family four times, claiming three lives.

Her journey through the valley of the shadow of death began in 1976 when her husband Walter, was not feeling well. It was the year of the Montreal, Quebec, Olympics and it was supposed to be exciting, for the distance runner, but she was filled with worry and dread as he became sicker and sicker. He was diagnosed with liver cancer and after a valiant struggle, he passed in Oct. 1977.

Callender was filled with conflicting emotions. She was relieved that he was allowed to escape his suffering but at the same time devastated as she was left alone to care for their two daughters — Toni, 6, and Tiffany, 3.

After her initial loss she strove on to do as well as she could. "I worked, came home and cared for the kids and worked some more. Some days were harder than others but I was happy to still have my precious daughters. They grew up so beautifully even through all the hardships that came and went. We just lived."

The dreaded disease came knocking a second time to Callender's' home as Toni and Tiffany were at the eve of their adult lives. Her youngest daughter Tiffany at age 19 was diagnosed with lymophoma. Like her father before her, she had a long, dreary fight with the formidable foe. In Dec. 1994, when Tiffany was in her 20th year, Callender saw her baby yield her borrowed life to the glorious hands of the Maker.

Her death was yet another spirit-breaking blow that Callender withstood as forcefully as any deep-rooted oak. The pain was exquisite and terrible as she did what no parent wants to have to do. She buried her own child before her true potential and worldly journey truly began.

Despite all the pain, she'd been through with her husband, and then her baby, Callender said that life had to go on.

There was still so much to live for in Toni, and so many good memories to cherish, of the two loved ones she'd lost.

The following year, her first-born child, Toni was married, and in 1998 she and her husband had a beautiful baby girl, Calendar's grandchild, whom they named Treazure, and she was immediately the grandmother's treasure.

Life was wonderful, and in 2001 and 2005 Toni also had two sons whom she loved and cherished with the same vigor. Callender's columns of strength were returning. The dark clouds were dispersing and life was becoming beautiful again.

But the graceless killer was still lurking and waiting to strike again and steal another of her loved ones. In 2006 during a routine yearly check up Toni was diagnosed with breast cancer, which was already in its third stage.

Terror had struck the Callender family again.

While all eyes and energy were focused on healing Toni, the artful robber silently stole Treazure at the age of eight. This was not something that anyone saw coming. After all, she was only a little girl. A precious, strong, beautiful little girl!

While the doctor's were treating her Toni, Treazure, 8, began to complain about a pain in her thigh. After an examination it was revealed that she had osteosarcoma, a common bone cancer.

"It was a shock — to everyone — but we quickly got over it and started treatment. Treazure underwent even more intense sessions of chemotherapy than Toni, and for a while she got better, then at times she got worse but we all believed she'd pull through.

"But on July 9, on a Sunday, she had a bad spell and was admitted to the hospital. We didn't believe that there was anything to worry about, since it was only routine. But, to our shock by the next morning Treazure, 8, had passed."

The 50-plus grandmother says that she sometimes still does not believe it happened because her granddaughter did not suffer long and she had been so young and so strong. "Treazure's dying was the last thing that I was expecting."

Callender deals with her grief the only way that she believes there is. "It takes living one day at a time. Sometimes even that is too much of a burden, so I have to take one hour ... one minute ... one second ... one more breath to make it."

With faith on her side, she says she knows the Lord will not give her more than she can bear, and as a result she cannot fail. And that is what gave her the strength to battle cancer head on each time it struck a member of her family.

"You can't fall apart, lose your mind or just give up. Life must go on. There are other people that need you. That's what I told Toni when she [Treazure] got sick. She's got a husband and three children to live for. You have to look behind that dark cloud and see a silver lining. Don't focus on that which is before you. You have to look farther down the line and realize that this all happens for a reason that is beyond your own control."

Callender's resolve and survival through these tragedies that befell her loved ones may qualify her as a strong woman, a true survivor in the eyes of those on the outside looking in. Some may even compare her to the biblical Job who lost all his riches and children but came out victorious in the end because of his faith and hope.

Callender does not feel that this befits her at all. "I am not Job. I have not been given back what I have lost. And I do not consider myself strong. What has happened is nothing that I can control or change. This is simply my lot and I cannot prevent it or cast it aside."

Suffering of this magnitude is often powerful enough to shake the faith of the weary, the weak or the easily disheartened but Callender says that this has not broken or wavered her faith or made her doubt God.

"I am as strong in my faith as ever — even with my repeated losses. But that does not mean that I do not question Him. When my husband died I was happy because he was suffering for so long and it was hard. I can admit that I was so angry when Tiffany fell ill. She was so young and suffering for so long that I asked God why he didn't just take her. When he did I was overcome and I just thanked him for lending me Tiffany for 20 years. When it came to Treazure, there was so much hope. So her sudden passing is still a strange emptiness and shock that I still can't believe it actually happened sometimes. Now, I'm holding on to Toni and she's strong and doing the best she can, so I hope that she fully recovers."

In such times of loss and depression there is often too little light and so much dark but Callender has managed to extract a shining thread of hope and joy in this dreary tapestry. "I know Treazure is in a better place. I know they [Walter and Tiffany] all are in a better place [even though] I wish they were here with me. But they are in a far better place. So I am glad that heaven's gates have opened to them. This always makes you appreciate every day you have with them, even everyday you live without them. I am glad if this is the Lord's plan, because you can't argue, you can't change. You can only accept His will."

Callender says because life is so unpredictable and fragile it is important to have strong and positive relationships with your children early. She's happy she always spent quality time with hers.

"You have to cherish and love your kids from the cradle. Make sure they know that they are loved. Spend time with them. It saves you a lot of heartache and subconsciously teaches meaningful and productive things about life."

Callender encourages parents to not wait to have a relationship. She says too many mothers are working too hard — and end up neglecting their children in exchange for their comfort.

"It's fine to want the best for them, but don't make their physical needs superior to their emotional requirements. They are yours, but yet they are not yours. We are all living on borrowed time. Today you're here. Tomorrow you're gone," said the woman who's lived it.

Callender says people should not have to go through heartache to appreciate their children or what they have in your life. She says having people in your life who you love and who love you in return is a blessing and should not be squandered or taken for granted.